Image 1 of 2
Image 2 of 2
Available in paperback and e-book November 2026
Description
SWYP™ Turn Complaints Into Proposals
Conflicts escalate quickly—but agreement is possible when you know what to say next. This book introduces the So, What’s Your Proposal (SWYP) technique, a simple three-step communication method designed to shift emotionally charged conversations into productive problem-solving in as little as 30 seconds. Used by professionals and everyday individuals alike, SWYP offers a practical approach to resolving high-conflict situations in work, family, and community settings.
This Second Edition draws on more than a decade of real-world application and feedback from hundreds of practitioners who have implemented the method successfully. A new Introduction explains how SWYP integrates with the internationally taught CARS Conflict Resolution Method (The CARS Method®). Two new chapters expand the book’s scope: one provides step-by-step guidance for leading negotiations and mediations in high-conflict environments, emphasizing the critical transition from emotional blame to rational solution-building; the other presents proven strategies for negotiating with bullies—an increasingly common challenge in today’s heightened conflict climate.
Minor updates throughout reflect the author’s continuing work as a lawyer, mediator, and conflict resolution trainer, while preserving the core strength of the book: a simple, highly effective process that equips readers to resolve conflict anytime, anywhere.
You will stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you – even those who want to blame you!
So, What’s Your Proposal? is in our Conflict Communication Series
The Author
BILL EDDY, LCSW, ESQ. is a globally recognized thought leader on high-conflict behavior and the co-founder and Innovation Director of the High Conflict Institute. A pioneer in the development of High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP), he has transformed the fields of law, mental health, and dispute resolution with practical frameworks for managing individuals with high-conflict traits. Bill has over four decades of professional experience as a family law attorney, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and senior mediator, including 15 years as Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center. He has served on the faculty of the renowned Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law and held an academic appointment at the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. An internationally sought-after keynote speaker and trainer, Bill has presented in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries. He is the co-host with Megan Hunter of the popular podcast, It's All Your Fault, author of more than twenty books and writes a widely read blog on Psychology Today with over five million views.
Book Details
Publisher: Unhooked Books
Publication Date: November 3, 2026
Pages: 182
ISBN (paperback): 9781950057504
ISBN (e-book): 9781950057511
Author: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
What’s new in this edition?
I’m excited to share this Second Edition of So, What’s Your Proposal?™ with you. In the decade since the first edition was published, my colleagues and I have used this approach literally thousands of times as lawyers, mediators, therapists, managers, administrators, and everyday people. Most have actually been surprised at how well it works. Over these years we have received feedback from numerous people who were trained in this approach, which has led to several updates for this Second Edition including two new chapters.
One of the biggest changes has been to use an acronym for this technique, which is (drum roll…………): SWYP™. It simply stands for “So, What’s Your Proposal?” (Pronounced “swipe” as in swipe right, swipe left.) We have decided to make it the name for our very specific 3-step skill, described in the First Edition and enhanced in this Second Edition. This joins the other three simple skills High Conflict Institute has developed over the past several years that we call the CARS Method®. They can be used separately or together in managing most conflict situations.
The CARS Method® Simple Skill
Connecting -- EAR Statements™
Analyzing -- SWYP Agreements™
Responding -- BIFF Responses®
Setting Limits -- SLIC Solutions™
As with some of the other acronyms (such as BIFF, BIFFing, BIFFed), SWYP has already become a verb, an adjective and a noun. Got a new idea to present? SWYP me. We couldn’t decide what to do, so we had a SWYP meeting. Got a conflict? Use SWYP to handle the conflict with proposals that lead to an agreement.
We teach The CARS Method and these simple skills in our trainings for professionals and individuals facing a potentially high conflict situation. We now have little books for each of these four core skills within our Conflict Communication series:
Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention and Respect Can Calm a Conflict. When done right, this really helps people calm down.
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns. BIFF stands for brief, informative, friendly and firm; usually a written response to a hostile or misinformed email or text but can be verbal too. We have three other BIFF books: BIFF for Co-Parent Communication after separation and divorce; BIFF at Work; and BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices. Again, a simple approach but it takes practice. Soon we will have BIFF for Healthcare and others.
SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. Setting Limits isn’t sufficient with many people today. They also need to know that there are realistic consequences if they don’t abide by the limits set. The half step is adding an EAR Statement about half the time to motivate cooperation, but not adding an EAR when it would simply be manipulated by some of the most difficult people.
Since much of our work is designed to help with “high-conflict people” (HCPs) who have a lot of blaming behavior and emotional defensiveness, much of this book describes how SWYP can be used to calm and redirect them to problem-solving. This includes chapters on workplaces, education, families, communities, volunteer groups, and even politics. But SWYP can be used with anyone in almost any situation. At the end of the book is a list of over 20 examples of proposal discussions which can provide ideas for dealing conflict situations in any setting.
We teach this method to the general public in our Conflict Influencer courses (see ConflictInfluencer.com), as well as to dispute resolution professionals around the world in-person and online (see HighConflictInstitute.com). All of our skills are designed to be practical and easy to use, especially in stressful situations. We encourage teenagers and young adults to also learn these skills as they are simple and will last a lifetime. These can save a lot of time, money, and stress if enough people use them in families, workgroups, committees, and just about anywhere.
SWYP: So, What’s Your Proposal?
Turn Conflict Into Agreements in 3 Steps
COMING NOVEMBER 2026
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
SWYP™ (So, What’s Your Proposal) offers a simple, three-step method to turn emotionally charged complaints into productive problem-solving in as little as 30 seconds. Used in workplaces, families, and communities, it helps de-escalate conflict and guide conversations toward practical solutions. This updated Second Edition incorporates over a decade of real-world use, adds guidance on negotiation and mediation in high-conflict situations, and introduces strategies for handling difficult or bullying behavior. The result is a clear, adaptable communication tool for resolving conflict anytime, anywhere.