BIFF for Co-Parent Communication
Your Guide to Difficult CoParent Texts, Emails and Social Media Posts
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Annette T. Burns, JD, and Kevin Chafin, LPC
Available in print (click above) or as an e-book (digital) through our secure partner, BookBaby.
BIFF for CoParent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts is in our Conflict Communication Series.
Description
In divorce and coparenting, not only do parents need to deal with their own emotions, they may be faced with a daily barrages of hostile calls, texts, social media blasts, and/or emails. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids?
For more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming emails, texts and conversations, has grown in use by thousands of people dealing with a person with a high conflict personality. This third book in the BIFF Communication series is especially devoted to parents dealing with issues in and after separation and divorce as they co-parent their children, complete with instructions in the four-step BIFF method and numerous examples for dealing with co-parent situations. Family Law Professionals can also use this book to help their clients facilitate more functional communication for their children’s essential needs, plus help them gain the ability to resolve issues easily and without drama. Additionally, the methods in the book can also be used to communicate with high conflict clients.
When parents use this approach, not only do they feel good about their end of the written or verbal conversation, but it tends to influence the other parent to communicate more productively as well. While it's simple and practical, it's not natural for most of us because we are hooked by the emotional intensity. This book can help you reduce the conflict and regain your sanity by learning what to write and what not to write. Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. The BIFF is a communication game changer―it works!
Book Details
Publication Date: October 27, 2020
Pages: 223
Binding: Paperback
ISBN (print): 978-1950057108
ISBN (ebook): 978-1950057177
Authors: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Annette Burns, JD, Kevin Chafin, LPC
Series: Conflict Communication Series
The Authors
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and the co-founder and training director of the High Conflict Institute. He was The Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years of experience. Currently he serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He lives in San Diego, California.
Annette Burns, JD is an attorney and a certified Family Law Specialist, practicing in Arizona. She is a past president of the international interdisciplinary organization the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), www.afccnet.org, a nonprofit organization of over 5000 international family law related professionals. She has been a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), a national organization composed of the nation’s top attorneys (www.aaml.org) since 2001. She has been named a SuperLawyer every year from 2007-2020 and one of Superlawyers’ Arizona’s Top Female Attorneys in 2013, 2014 and 2019. Her private practice in Arizona focuses on family law. Annette lives in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Kevin Chafin, LPC is a mediator and Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in Kansas City, Missouri. He is the current president of the board of the Missouri Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (MO – AFCC.) He has more than 30 years' experience with family and domestic court systems. Coparenting counseling is a large part of his practice, often with high conflict families. He is a regular presenter on topics related to mediation as well as court involved counseling with parents and children. Kevin lives and practices in the vibrant Westport area of Kansas City, Missouri.
Table of Contents
Section 1
1 High Conflict People and Blamespeak
2 Writing a BIFF Response
3 Avoid the Three A’s: Admonishments, Advice, and Apologies
Section 2
4 BIFFs About Routine Coparenting
5 BIFFs About Education
6 BIFFs About Healthcare
7 BIFFs About Activities
8 BIFFs About Finances
9 BIFFs About Changes to Plans and Schedules
10 BIFFs for Social Media
Section 3
12 Coaching for BIFF
13 You Decide….
Appendices
Appendix A Top 12 Tips for CoParent Boundaries
Appendix B What to Tell Children About a High Conflict CoParent (And What Not to Say)
Appendix C Calming Upset People with EAR
PRAISE
“Judges often issue court orders that require coparents to communicate only in writing as a way to eliminate or reduce the conflict between them. In fact, written communications can be just as damaging as verbal ones. Judges’ orders would be more effective if they recommended this book to high conflict parents and urged them to use the BIFF skills and techniques in every written communication between them. ”
“Functional Communication between coparents in shared parenting arrangements is essential to share child-focused information, to coordinate children’s schedules, education and health needs and to manage and resolve issues that arise. These three experienced authors provide an incredibly practical resource for parents who struggle to establish and maintain BIFF communication. The guidance in this book is also invaluable to mental health and legal professionals who work with high-conflict coparents. What a great Contribution to children’s healthy development!””
“Coparenting is hard in any circumstance and when doing it with someone that has a high conflict personality, can seem impossible. The first step is to admit that you are outmatched in every way except for the ability to learn new skills related to the high conflict personality. My life did not change until I began to read and understand and start using tools like BIFF. I couldn’t help my children because I couldn’t help lmyself and until I learned new tools, felt hopeless. Using BIFF will give you hope that change is possible.”
“Eddy, Burns and Chafin welcome you to the dojo of BIFF. In this book, these three masters of the martial arts of coparenting discord teach us how to sidestep every attack, always keenly focused on the child’s well-being. Let the blamespeakers taunt and provoke and bait as they may. Let the damning emails and text messages and social media provocateurs do their worst. Armed with this valuable volume’s simple, clear and common sense skills, you will defuse conflict, improve communication, facilitate consistency, minimize unnecessary litigation, and raise healthier kids. Thank you, Sensei, for sharing these vital lessons in healthy co-parenting. Invaluable.”
“As a coparent deep in a dysfunctional, high-conflict coparenting relationship, I appreciate the insight in this book tremendously. My only regret is that I haven’t read it sooner! Now, with the skills and tools I’ve gained from this read, I’m better prepared to respond with respect for myself and my coparent while standing firm and hopefully guiding us together to a better, healthier way to communicate with each other. Thank you, BIFF!”
“BIFF is a skeleton key for unlocking the gridlock of high conflict coparenting.Readers will learn a simple but powerful solution for a host of divorce and separation problems. Parents who develop BIFF skills will save themselves and their children a lot of emotional upset. Highly recommended.””
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