So, What's Your Proposal?
Shifting High Conflict People from Blaming to Problem Solving in 30 Seconds
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
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Description
With high-conflict people increasing in society, the 24-hour news cycle, and social media, we are continually barraged with the worst behaviors of other people.
The strong temptation is to react, defend yourself and blame them back. Instead, consider the simple So, What’s Your Proposal? method for pulling them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else.
Blame is abundant these days! Every day people confront us at work, at the store, at home, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, the 24-hour news cycle, and social media, we are continually barraged with the worst behaviors of other people. The strong temptation is to react, defend yourself and blame them back.
Instead, consider the simple So, What’s Your Proposal? method for pulling them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly:
focus on the future
take responsibility
contribute to finding solutions to problems – including those they created themselves.
You will stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you – even those who want to blame you!
The Author
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California.
He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and has become an expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a licensed clinical social worker therapist with twelve years’ experience.
He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law inCalifornia and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries.
He is the author or co-author of twenty books and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4.0 million views.
Book Details
Publisher: High Conflict Institute Press
Publication Date: September 16, 2014
Pages: 166
Binding: Paperback
ISBN: 978-1-936268-62-7
Author: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
Praise for So, What's Your Proposal?
“Not only does Bill’s book show “how to” redirect judgmental dialogue to problem-solving focus, he also explains why this simple 3-step process works. All the reader has to do is practice, practice, practice. What a wonderful resource in dealing with persons unable to focus on solving the problem.”
Family Law Attorney & Mediator, Ft. Myers, Florida
“In his newest must-read book, So, What’s Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!”
attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiation Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples
“This is nothing short of brilliant. I spend a lot of time negotiating settlements in contentious divorce cases. This process is revolutionary in helping people moving through difficult negotiations. I wish I had this years ago.”
Attorney, Seattle, Washington
“In So, What’s Your Proposal? Bill Eddy explores the neuropsychology of high conflict personalities (HCPs) and furnishes a useful chart of left and right brain responses as a prelude to examining possible professional responses to such individuals. He then gives examples of ways to manage HCPs in a variety of situations, including mediation, work, education, families, communities, volunteer and non-profit organizations, and in politics. For someone who is not already familiar with Bill’s analysis, this book provides some practical ways for professionals to deal with this frustrating class of clients. If you already know Bill’s work, this book will still provide you with some new insights.”
Professional Director, Family Mediation of Greater Washington
“So, What’s Your Proposal? is a question literally designed to short-circuit the brain in stressful situations. Using the techniques described by attorney Bill Eddy in this work, you can immediatelystop the negativity and gently shift participants from all-or-nothing into flexible thinking. This practice is useful not just for those of us who deal with high conflict people, but in any situation where the parties are stuck in negotiations and need to generate creative options.”
lawyer/meditator and author of The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement from the Inside Out